Well well well, here I sit, reading my old posts. Not bad, in my opinion, about my own writing. I have had plenty of things to write and think about since 2017. It is good therapy too. Something interesting to me, is, that I have written a few times, that I was “on track” and getting better with a “focus.” I’ve noted that feeling a few times over the years. What this tells me is that my progress has gone in stages. Of course, in some ways that’s obvious. With each stage it seems like “I am on my way.” But really I am only taking one step at a time. I’m not going to be done. I’d like to be done! But I also like to know I’m not! It’s contradictory but it’s fun to like both. I do like being in progress. Now to remember that when I’m uncomfortable with it.
So, yes. Back about the feeling like I am “on my way.” It’s been a long road….several years of transition. I’ve hung in there, persisted. It’s not unusual- I’m pretty tough overall. But this combination of events threw me a bit. So now (at this stage!) I am feeling healthier, emotionally and physically. It’s good.
In my new smaller place, for a little over a year now, I did some redecorating. With the help of an elementary school friend – a cool process with someone who knows me and was knowledgeable. Thanks Therese! By coincidence, my son needed a place to move to after the nice redecorating happened. So he is now, recently, helping me enjoy the space. I have less room and people are asking how I feel about it. But really I’m fine and it feels cozy. It’s for a good cause, I joke. But to be honest, he is not an imposition and I am happy to be able to help out.
Another new phase is that I have romantic inclinations, closer friendship inclinations. What!?!? Yes. I haven’t made but one or 2 closer friends since being back. Normal for some. For me, not really. I’ve always been a “quality not quantity” person with relationships. So this too is a sign that I have processed a lot of my grieving and my transitions and have room to feel more feelings. That I am ready to take some little risks. It feels good. I’m alive! A romance, crush, something along those lines would be great. I am ready to put all of my precious time analyzing my and others’ relationships to good use. Yes, the analyst is still alive and well too. Still, I want a next step. Another new start.
here I am 