Tired now

It’s been great here in Berlin, in Germany. Can’t say its been what I expected, although my expectations may have been high. People say not to do that, have high expectations. I disagree. In college I saw a counselor who responded when I told him/her I usually had low expectations and high hopes – I forget now their gender- they said, if you do that, you are never satisfied and you sell yourself short.  That its ok to have high expectations. Its not ok to think they will come true all the time. Well, I suppose its not a crime, but, one needs to be able to problem solve and move forward when things don’t turn out as expected.

And so its been. I’m quite sure my friends are happy for me being able to take this time. And I know plenty envy my time away, I’ve heard as much. And I have felt silly having complaints, knowing full well that is going on. But I have truly come to a Big Awakening how the grass IS always greener… that saying. If your mind goes down that path. And maybe there is the rub.

How do you balance wanting change, wanting improvement, having high expectations when you think others have it easier? Or better somehow? Does that mean you are forever striving and never there …on “the other side”?

I don’t have the answer. Sorry about that. I’m doing my best to figure out what I really need too.

As I see it, we all are still striving and looking and learning. They also say (you know, all those wise people who have been able to transcend).. that the journey is the prize. That our path is the reward. Woah.

So I never arrive. So I’m never there. So how do I find peace? How do I know to stop and smell the roses? Oh, so maybe all that is the on the path too.

Someone I knew, not well, but who was a fun loving, funny, not super successful financially (as far as I know) great person kind of guy, died a day or so ago. Facebook told me. He lived life and touched people with his humor. Maybe its less about me and more about touching others. I mean, how else does the rest matter? Not that it needs to be a huge impact, and I need to follow my own advice on this. And again, its nothing I haven’t heard before. A Buddhist speaker on TED talks said as much. That happiness will come from considering others and doing for others in our lives, as we make decisions and do whatever we do.

And so I ponder. Listening for my own voice among the many many many people talking at me.